"Infidelity is simply defined as the breaking of trust and the keeping of secrets in an intimate partnership." -Rob Weiss, MSW

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Is Cheating Abuse?

Is Cheating Abuse?Cheating in a relationship is as common as it is unpleasant. I am rapidly headed for my 50th birthday and can’t name a single friend or acquaintance who has never experienced this dynamic in a relationship. Personally, I have experienced cheating in different ways: I have cheated, I have been “the other woman” and I have been victimized by a cheater. My cheating happened when I was still in college and created a chain of events so powerfully bad I never cheated again. I felt horrible about what I’d done and truly horrible about who I had become. It was a long hard climb to get out of that hole.

But when I was on the receiving end of infidelity, I was a mom, almost 40 years old, and the notion of commitment had altogether different meanings and importance to me. It wasn’t about just him and me – we had children who became ensnarled in the web of lies and hurt. It was much uglier and much more destructive than the teenage drama I had unwittingly perpetrated decades earlier. (more…)

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Millions in Work Productivity Lost Due to Online Cheating

Millions in Work Productivity Lost Due to Online Cheating Adultery can damage marriages and friendships, as well as being destructive to children’s psyches. Another less obvious cost are the employee work hours spent looking for something on the side when they should be working.

A Swedish-based online cheating site surveyed its users, estimating that employees were costing their businesses over $17 million in unproductive wages. The site offers users a way to have discreet extramarital affairs and it appears that business is booming. (more…)

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How Much Porn is Too Much?

How Much Porn is Too Much?For most people looking porn is a relatively benign activity, turned to as a quick and convenient form of sexual pleasure when a real-world partner is either not available or not desired. For some, however, porn use can become an emotionally crippling sexual compulsion. The question, of course, is how do you know if porn use has crossed the line from pleasurable distraction into addiction?

It would be nice if there was an easy and reliable mathematical formula we could rely on, such as X number of videos plus Y number of still images equals addiction, but there isn’t. As is the case with alcohol and drug addiction, the determining factor is subjective rather than objective. In other words, it’s not how much alcohol you drink, how much methamphetamine you smoke, or how much porn you look at, it’s how the booze, meth, or porn is affecting your life. (more…)

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Love: Healthy Sexual/Romantic Attraction vs. Addictive Sexual/Romantic Attraction

 Love: Healthy Sexual/Romantic Attraction vs. Addictive Sexual/Romantic AttractionRomantic love has always been something of a mystery, especially to sex and romance addicts, who tend to mistake the intensity of both sexual activity and new romance for something deeper and more meaningful – i.e., love.

But what, exactly, is love? Does it really exist? Can it be measured? And can it really become an addiction?

Poetically and philosophically speaking, love exists in the heart. And it is rather obvious why poets and philosophers tend to believe this. After all, our hearts beat faster when we experience love (or at least when we experience the first rush of love/attraction), and our chests tend to ache when the process goes awry. Of course, poetry and philosophy are not exactly hard science. What hard science tells us is that love lives not in our hearts but in our brains. In fact, thanks to functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) technology, we even know where in the brain this ephemeral emotion resides. In fact, using fMRI brain scans, tracking things like love, romantic attraction, and sexual attraction is actually a relatively straightforward process.

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Digital Technology, Reality, and Relationships

Digital Technology, Reality, and RelationshipsWith all of the incredible recent advances in digital technology, the line between fantasy and reality has grown somewhat blurry. For instance, when we see a model on the cover of a magazine, it’ a safe bet she’s not as perfect in real life as she appears in print. With reality TV, it’s an equally safe bet that the drama unfolding onscreen is not nearly as unscripted as the producers would like us to believe. Etc. These days our music (digitally enhanced voices, lip-synching performances), our visual entertainment (reality TV, cinematic special effects), our sports heroes (steroid-driven performances), and even our love lives are routinely enhanced through various technologies.

Our love lives, too? Yes indeed. (more…)

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Newlywed Cheating on the Rise

Newlywed Cheating on the RiseIt’s a short and painful ending to what should be a “happily ever after” story: a newlywed partner, wife or husband, cheats on his or her partner after only a few short months of marriage. Once a phenomenon that seemed to occur only with the rich and famous (and promptly plastered all over the tabloids), newlywed infidelity has become much more common in the U.S. and Europe than in decades past.

Simon’s Story

Growing up in a family steeped in tradition, Simon always knew he wanted to get married and raise a family. Just after graduating from college at the age of 23, he thought he had found the perfect partner: Julie, a fellow Catholic whom he had met at a church retreat. As far as Simon could tell, they had an ideal relationship, and after a couple years together, the pair got married, with plans of raising a family together. Within a few months, however, Simon discovered that his bride was unfaithful, using Craigslist to meet up with other men while he was at work or at band rehearsal. Heartbroken, Simon put an end to their young marriage, divorcing less than a year after the wedding. It’s a story that has become more common in couples of all backgrounds, and one that is keeping relationship experts busy. (more…)

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Finding a Lost Lover on the Internet: Easy to do, but Dangerous if You’re Married

Finding a Lost Lover on the Internet: Easy to do, but Dangerous if You're MarriedWhen Romeo meets his Juliet, he tells her that this is the moment he first begins to live. And indeed, Romeo is right. There is something magical and life-changing about first love, especially if you were a teenager or in your early 20s when it happened. Most people never forget it, and many adults wonder from time to time what happened to the person who once transformed their life.

Dr. Aaron Ben Zeev, an expert on Internet relationships, said that people want to find their first loves because they idealize the past and are longing for circumstances that no longer exist. They are also just curious. They are hopeful that if they find that person, the outcome will be better than the first time around. Instead of breaking up, true love will last a lifetime.

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Monica L. and Bill Clinton – The Prototype of a Love Affair?

lipstick-collarMonica Lewinsky was only 22 years old when she fell deeply in love with President Bill Clinton, and shared what she called “tender moments” with him in the White House.  She confided her agony over her love for him to her girlfriend, Linda Tripp, who secretly taped 20 hours of their conversations. Tripp later betrayed her friend and turned the tapes over to a Special Prosecutor collecting evidence of any wrong-doing by the President.

In the transcripts of the tapes, Lewinsky talks about her love for the President and having oral sex with him, and yet at one point, she tells Tripp she’s unsure whether he even knows her last name. (more…)

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Is Your Partner’s Infidelity Driving You Nuts?

Is Your Partner's Infidelity Driving You Nuts?Even suspecting that the person you love is unfaithful to you can take a terrible toll on your mental health. Maybe you stay up at night worried about whether it’s worth your pain to stay in this relationship. You know you spend too much time and energy investigating and trying to prove that your suspicions are true, but you can’t stop yourself. You even have concerns that you might have contracted a sexually transmitted disease.   If you talk to your partner about your anxieties and despair, he or she makes you feel as if you are crazy. On some level, you realize that all your energy is being put into your partner’s needs, while your own needs are being overlooked. (more…)

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Nine Highly Effective Ways to Catch Your Partner Cheating Online

Nine Highly Effective Ways to Catch Your Partner Cheating OnlineThe most effective way to catch a partner online is to hire a professional detective service to do it.  These specialists have state-of-the-art equipment that can hack into any computer, and it usually takes them only a few days to gather indisputable evidence of Internet cheating.

That said, the following do-it-yourself techniques have worked for many people who suspect their partners are cheating on them online. (more…)

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