Discovering that your romantic partner has cheated on you can be a huge blow to your self-esteem. It can make you believe that you are no longer attractive, no longer interesting and no longer worth your partner’s time and attention. It can even make you believe that you have failed to be a good boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, and that your actions have driven your partner away.
Some relationships are able to survive infidelity, but poor self-esteem is an important obstacle to overcome if you want to rebuild your relationship with a straying partner. Moving on after infidelity requires partners to reestablish trust, respect, communication and affection, but this is difficult if one partner is struggling with the psychological repercussions of betrayal.
You Are Not To Blame For Your Partner’s Infidelity
Acknowledging mistakes is crucial to rebuilding trust, but if the betrayed partner cannot rebuild self-esteem and confidence, he may end up taking some or all of the blame for getting cheated on. Not only does this reinforce the negative thoughts he may be having about himself and his worth as a romantic partner, but it allows the straying partner to dodge the responsibility for his or her own misdeeds.
Cheaters who manage to convince themselves and others that they are not to blame for having one affair have a smooth path leading to their next affair. If it wasn’t their fault the first time, then it won’t be their fault the second, third or fourth time. If they are not to blame, then it must be their partners who need to change their attitudes and behaviors.
Establishing Boundaries, Reviving The Relationship After Infidelity
Victims of infidelity need to have the confidence to establish boundaries and expectations for their partners’ future behavior. This may include requiring partners to close certain social media accounts, asking that they be home at a certain time each day (at least for a while) or insisting that they rein in habitually flirtatious behavior.
Just as it takes confidence and self-esteem to recognize when you are not to blame, it also takes these qualities to recognize what you can do to help your relationship succeed in the future. An affair is always the fault of the person who cheats, but that doesn’t mean that both partners shouldn’t contribute to reviving and strengthening the relationship.
Both partners need to work cooperatively to improve communication, renew the romance or help the relationship in other ways, and cheated-on partners need to be able to look honestly and critically at their own behavior without assigning themselves blame that they do not deserve.
Help Yourself And Help Your Relationship After Infidelity
Recovering self-esteem that has been shaken by infidelity, and perhaps by relationship difficulties that preceded the infidelity, is not a matter of snapping your fingers. Rebuilding a relationship takes a lot of work, but you may also need to devote time to your own health and well-being.
There are many ways to help build up your self-esteem. Being dedicated to personal hygiene, healthy eating habits and regular exercise can make you feel good about yourself physically. Getting enough sleep will also help you to stay in good physical health and avoid the depressed and anxious thoughts that can wear down your self-esteem.
Taking up an old or new activity that you love can help you to feel excited about yourself and your experiences. Completing tasks that you have been putting off for a long time will also help you to feel good about yourself.
Some people benefit greatly from talk therapy that can help them to recognize and challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
Everything Will Change The Day You Realize You Are Just As Valuable As Everyone Else