Understanding infidelity isn’t easy. Trying to sort through all of the possibilities to explain why your partner hurt you is overwhelming and may seem unending. Ultimately, only he can tell you why he did it, and even then his reasons and motivations may be murky to himself.
What you should know above everything else is that you were not at fault. It’s too simple to blame yourself, to believe that you weren’t good enough. It was a choice your spouse made and there are a number of possible reasons that he did it. The best way to get to the truth and to save your marriage is for the two of you to work together and with a professional therapist experienced in couples counseling.
Reasons Why Your Husband Cheated
He’s Seeking External Fulfillment
A big mistake that many of us make is to look for happiness from external factors and forces. This means looking for things and other people to make you happy, to make you feel worthwhile and to make you feel fulfilled, when really you should be seeking that within yourself. Other people can’t make you happy. Having more things can’t make you happy. If you always seek happiness and fulfillment from these external things, you will always feel a void in your life.
It may be that your husband looks for external happiness, and there may have been a time when you filled that role for him. Your attention and your love made him feel special, but that wears off. When fulfillment isn’t internal, it only lasts for a short amount of time. Eventually he will need a replacement, and that can take the form of another person.
He’s Seeking Himself
Another reason that some experts believe affairs happen is because too many relationships lack autonomy for each individual. Many modern relationships involve a merging of two individuals who are expected to be everything to each other. This is a dangerous way to be. If your husband doesn’t feel like enough of an individual, an affair can seem like an exciting way to take a vacation from your marriage. You and your spouse need to be individuals and to have your own lives outside of the marriage to have the healthiest relationship.
He’s Looking For Sexual Satisfaction
It is possible that your husband cheated because he was sexually unsatisfied. This still doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. If your sex life was not adequate, he should have talked to you about it rather than seeking sex elsewhere. It may be that he didn’t feel like he was getting enough sex. He could also have been craving new experiences. In either case, discussing it and working on it together would have been the better response.
He Has A Sex Addiction
This is a common excuse for cheating that we see in the media. Public figures often claim sex addiction and go to rehab when caught philandering. Sex addiction is a real thing, but it’s not that common. Most people who engage in affairs are not addicts, but it is always a possibility. If your husband is a sex addict, though, it would be more likely that he would have multiple encounters rather than a single affair or one-night stand.
If your husband has cheated on you, you have a tough choice to make: end the relationship or work to save it. If you choose the latter, both of you need to be on board and you need to work with a professional. A therapist can help you and your spouse understand the motivations for what happened and how to move past it.
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