Sean P. MacKinnon at Dalhousie University’s department of psychology performed a study of more than 200 couples to look at how perfectionism directly affected their relationships. His findings were discussed in a recent health article.

After looking over the results, MacKinnon feels that while cycles of an unhealthy relationship are a burden, it doesn’t necessarily mean its over. If the perfectionist partner tries to understand those specific traits and how it correlates with depressive symptoms, a full treatment plan can be developed to alleviate some of those emotions.

Depression and perfectionism have similarities; however, perfectionism seems to be a precursor to depressive symptoms. When it comes to relationships that are romantic in nature, those feelings of perfectionism can lean toward actions of criticism, resentment, and even hostility.
It’s obvious that these emotions aren’t well suited for establishing a healthy and respectable romantic relationship. This relationship thrives on intimacy and the ability to resolve conflict.

During the cycle, if, in fact, depression has already set in, this can cause even more problems in the relationship. Finding a balance has to be the answer. The physical and psychological benefits that we as human beings get from being in healthy and intimate relationships are very beneficial.
Being able to appropriately identify the symptoms of perfectionism and then depression can help find resolve and reduce the feelings of imperfection and conflict. MacKinnon found in his study that when perfectionism was not satisfied, the couples fought more and engaged more feelings of depression. It was a simple form of cause and effect with a conflict.

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Married people or those in serious relationships should take stock of their opposite gender friendships. Are you at all attracted to the other person? What are you hoping for when you are with that person?

The majority of emotional affairs begin at the office. 

The other person shares most of your time, many of your experiences and lots of the same acquaintances. It’s easy to laugh or vent over things that you both understand. The spouse or partner who does not share these things is at a disadvantage if there is even a hint of attraction.

How can you know if you’re falling into an emotional affair? Experts suggest looking at three key warning signs:

1. You are sharing private marital or family difficulties with the other person. By discussing intimate concerns you create a bond that should belong to your partner. And if you tell them about ways your partner is not meeting your needs, you are giving unspoken permission to them to step in and take care of them. You need to ask yourself whether you are secretly hoping this will happen.
2. Calls outside of normal work hours should be a red flag. This includes evening or weekend texting, as well as photo and video sharing. Do you check your phone looking for them? This is a sure sign that your heart is not first with your partner where it ought to be.
3. If you or the other person tell racy jokes or sexual references, ask yourself why you do this and what you are hoping the other person’s reaction will be.

If you find that you’re on the edge of an emotional affair the best thing is to have an honest chat with your spouse or partner. You certainly don’t need to go into gritty, hurtful details, but let them know you’re concerned you’re headed in the wrong direction. Even happily married couples experience passing moments of attraction for someone else. The key is how those feelings are managed.

Better than 70 percent of flirtatious relationships go on to become physical relationships. Cut the emotional tie before it becomes a physical one.

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