When infidelity strikes a relationship, there is a lot of blame to hand around. The cheater may blame his partner, the person with whom he cheated, his upbringing, a sex addiction or anything else under the sun. The offended half of the relationship should place blame solely on the partner who cheated, but often blames everyone else.
In an interesting recent lawsuit, a jilted husband put the blame on a website that led his wife to find a cheating partner. He has sued the website, as well as his ex-wife’s now husband.
Blaming Ashley Madison
The man bringing the suit to court over his failed marriage is Robert Schindler of Charlotte, N.C. His wife of 13 years had an affair with Eleazar Montemayor, also of Charlotte. This is where the story gets particularly controversial. She met this new man on a dating website that caters to married people looking to cheat. The website, called Ashley Madison, helps married men and women hook up for adulterous affairs. The company claims to have over 23 million paying members from around the world. It makes the business of cheating easier.
Schindler lost his wife to her cheating partner, found on Ashley Madison. The two are now married to each other. Instead of blaming his ex-wife, he sued Ashley Madison and Montemayor. He claims that, together, the two seduced his wife and ruined his marriage. In North Carolina, courts may award punitive damages to a wronged spouse if it can be determined that a third party can be blamed for the broken marriage. Only a handful of states allow this type of suit.
Neither Schindler’s ex, nor her new spouse will talk about the case. However, Noel Biderman, founder of Ashley Madison and co-defendant in the case, has commented. He says that his website is not liable for the failure of anyone’s marriage and that the company does not participate in any offline aspects of members’ affairs. He claims it would be a slippery slope to blame technology for affairs. Schindler doesn’t see it that way and believes his otherwise happy wife was seduced into cheating.
Who Is Really To Blame In An Affair?
Finding out your spouse has betrayed you and had an affair is devastating. Schindler’s wife not only betrayed him, she also left. Why she did it is something that only she knows. Placing blame when someone cheats is tricky. Was Ashley Madison to blame in this case? Probably not. It seems likely that anyone seeking out this website for a tryst already has cheating on her mind. If Ashley Madison didn’t exist, Schindler’s ex-wife would most likely have found another way to have an affair.
Affairs happen for all kinds of reasons, but ultimately you have to look at the relationship. People cheat because they feel emotionally or physically disconnected from a partner. They cheat because the relationship is already struggling and may be falling apart. They cheat because they feel unappreciated by a partner. There are so many ways to place blame for an affair, but it really comes down to the two people in the relationship.
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