We don’t officially condone cheating on your wife. Whatever you do is your business, but it’s also important to acknowledge consequences. Whether your wife finds out or not, you might have to deal with the guilt that comes with breaking a promise you made on your wedding day. And if she finds out, you'll most certainly have to deal with some consequences. You’ve probably thought about this already, but we just want to stress that this is a serious matter.
If you’re ready to go forward, we have some advice. There’s more than one way to cheat, as well as more than one reason to. You don’t need to explain yourself, but you should have at least some kind of strategy. People who cheat and get caught were usually quite careless, taking for granted how well their wife knows them or how much evidence they left before.
I can speak as someone who knows what cheating is like from both sides. I did feel hurt when it happened, but that didn’t stop me from doing it myself. Does that sound like hypocrisy? Probably, but I’m aware of what I’m doing and won’t try to pretend it’s justified. I can sleep at night, but others might not feel the same.
Does the thought of cheating make you nervous because you know that you wouldn’t be able to keep your cool around your wife for even a second should she start to ask you where you’re going or why you’ve been acting differently? Then, you shouldn’t cheat. Realistically, there are very few understandable reasons why someone should cheat, but people who are allergic to dishonesty are the worst candidates.
The more honorable thing might be just to end your marriage. However, we understand that everyone has different circumstances, and there are complexities with a marriage that don't make it so easy to divorce.
But if you want to cheat and don’t want to be caught, you need a strategy. It’s impossible to guarantee that you won’t be caught, but you can reduce your risk significantly. It’s like how wearing a mask doesn’t necessarily prevent COVID exposure, but it sure can reduce your risk.
Cheating often doesn’t have any rhyme or reason. I’ve cheated even when everything has been good in my relationship. Why? A psychologist might say it’s because of fears of commitment that go back to childhood. I still take full responsibility for my cheating, and I’m not going to grovel for sympathy if I’m caught.
The best advice for cheating is not to do so, but the second-best is to follow these guidelines:
1. Give your side chick/guy a different contact name
If your phone goes off next to your spouse and they see an unfamiliar name, they might start reading the message and see what sort of steamy things are being said. Don’t use their name. Instead, make it that same as a friend or coworker, someone who would text you under normal circumstances. Still, it’s good not to leave your phone out in places where your wife can easily see who’s contacting you.
2. Sign out of all your devices
It’s great to be able to use iMessage on your phone and laptop, but it’s also an easy way to get caught. Your wife might need to check something on your computer and suddenly be greeted with earth-shattering news. It’s a bit of a pain to log out of all these devices, but compare it to the pain of being exposed, and you’ll see it’s no contest.
3. Use a single messaging platform
Reduce your electronic paper trail by using only one outlet, such as Snapchat or Kik, for messaging. This should be separate from your other messaging and social media accounts. It also helps protect your privacy if your affair is online-only.
4. Delete your messages
Don’t hold onto your messages as much as you might want to. When they’re sitting on your phone or on your computer, you’re creating the possibility, however small it might seem, that your spouse will find them. If something is important enough, you’ll remember it. It’s also good to just let go for the greater good. You’re getting rid of incriminating evidence, after all.
5. Avoid photos
You want to show how hot you are, sure. But you could be putting yourself in a trap that you struggle to pull yourself out of. Imagine if things go awry in your cheating, such as you telling your mistress that you don’t want to continue things. What’s to stop them from spreading your pics? The same could apply to messages, but it’s at least easier to deny it’s you sending those texts. If you still want to send photos, you should use an inconspicuous app that no one else knows about. Also, distort your face, or leave it out entirely.
6. Use discretion when telling others
It might seem obvious not to share your cheating with others, but it can give you euphoria that you want to tell others about. An after-work drink could turn into a major confession time, and everyone you tell might not be as sworn to secrecy as you hope. If you get the urge to tell someone, give yourself at least a few days before deciding. After some consideration, you might realize that it would be a drastic error.
7. Make sure you and your sidepiece are on the same terms
Some people cheat because they’re sick of their current relationship, while others cheat because they’re sick of relationships in general and just want to fool around. However, you could involve with someone who becomes infatuated with you. Even if it doesn’t reach “Fatal Attraction” levels, things can still get pretty intense. As soon as things start picking up, make your intentions clear.
8. Don’t complicate your excuses
You’re going to have to lie to your wife to cheat, so you’d better get used to it. Develop stories that can’t be disproven and which are believable. Avoid involving others because they might unwillingly contradict you, and it’s not a fair position to put them in. Rehearse these to the point of believing them yourself, and don’t babble on about unimportant details. Notice how you act and what you say when you’re telling the truth, and follow that template.
9. Have excuses readily available
You have to be ready for questions at any moment. It doesn’t have to be an intense cross-examination. It could be as simple as your wife noticing a change in demeanor or wondering why someone is looking at you at the store. You need to come up with reasonable explanations for any number of situations. Most of these situations will likely never be used. However, you might never use your fire extinguisher. That doesn’t mean it’s not good to have.
10. Know when things will end
If you want to keep things going with your sidepiece indefinitely, you need to end your marriage. But if you keep telling yourself that you’ll end it when you’re ready, do so now. “Ready” never happens, and it’s wrong to lead another person on it the process. It’s best to establish the timeline early on before feelings really have a chance to be hurt.
11. Don’t cheat if you can’t deal with the consequences
If there’s no ending other than you copping to your cheating, you shouldn’t do it. Anyone who truly feels shame about cheating wouldn’t do so in the first place.